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The window is when you move

The window is when you move

12.3.2021

December 03, 2021

Probably I caught COVID somewhere in Southern California, somewhere in Arizona, somewhere thattaway past a southern shift past San Francisco that happened quick. My brain went quick too. Whereas last year I was somewhere in Nebraska in silent panic at the lack of masks everywhere, my brain can’t wiggle like that anymore. Masks in a disappearing act up near Salinas, then, well, you can read the news.

Could be that I caught COVID out in the desert. I drove down 99 into Bakersfield, gunning it towards Barstow. Mostly I gun it. A four-lane highway cutting through the San Bernadinos, the desert mountains pushed up against me in the new way I’m learning to feel topography. It’s a strange thing to notice. I notice it when I cry.

Could be that I caught COVID slicing through Edwards AFB which was when I cried, a little. Edwards is the AFB story from my pa that started appearing more recently, which leads me to believe it might have something to do with secrets. Later on when I talked to him about it, I led with: Pa, there’s nothing fucking there. So where are you hiding the aliens?

I looked out the windows to try and find anything in that desert. From my understanding of that desert in the Vietnam years, there wasn’t anything there either. There was my immigrant dad and the other guys bouncing out in their Jeeps to collect what I now understand was the beginning of drone technology. They were camouflaged as plants. So they went out to find the robot plants. Once, my pa found a Basque shepherd alone, so lonesome. Discovering they spoke Spanish, he desperately spoke to my pa for as long as the USAF would allow, but I’m not sure if they ever met again. I didn’t see any sheep from my car.

His first paycheck from the USAF he bought a gun metal gray paint job and his second he bought a camera, which is how I can picture him. When I push my hatchback’s engine across the interstate, I think of how fast he would make it from base to base, Colorado, Arizona, Wyoming, California. Big spaces where you can work on things you could hide. I guess, anyway. Las Vegas isn’t too far away, or Nogales, when you have time to gun it on a day off. I know this because I got to Barstow and could’ve gone to gamble instead of to the desert. You gotta know when to… well, you know.

Or, probably I caught COVID in the desert. I took a real day off, my first in a while, and booked myself a tiny artists ham can trailer in an adults-only hipster hotel. I mean it. Adults only. White Claw in the vending machine, ashtrays, constant jukebox playing every Tarantino soundtrack, free BB gun range, weed lounge. I won’t spoil the adaptive reuse on that one, but it’s cute. I floated around in a pool and drank PBR and got as much sun on me as I could and felt really fucking happy. Up on one of the buildings was a hot tub and a group of gal pals vaping and sitting in, happy to let me in. They were peaking and it was pretty easy to tell. The stars zoomed in fast, hyperspace glow from dusk to a dapple to what a planetarium wants to be. A mostly full moon. Man, I’m peaking, they said. They, too, were really happy. They made me laugh and told me I sounded like I had a lucky life. They told me to do what I could do while I could. Which is always a funny thing to say. I could shut up my job for a day, I could drive out to Joshua Tree and sleep under pony-printed blankets with Neil Diamond singing out somewhere. I could be in the places people before me went. Even if those aren’t the places I’dve thought would be the heritage I wanted to find.

In a hot tub with three women and the moon and their shroom peaking and no masks and tired lungs and tired everything, it could be I caught it there. I keep thinking it was Barstow where I’m pretty sure I forgot my mask as I ran into a gas station bathroom full of everyone else without masks. I could feel bad about it. Okay, I do feel bad about it. But there’s no morality in public health except I have no interest in shame. I think that too. By the way, stay vaccinated. I didn’t like being sick, but it wasn’t that bad. And it wasn’t that bad because I got vaccinated. And I got sick because I was completely rundown and exhausted, blood of gas-station coffee, a secret square here and there, poor sleep, burnout, and not enough veggies. Honestly, I worked in a pinche grocery store for over six months during 2020-2021 and I didn’t get it. Do you, and get a booster. My hunch? It was probably Arizona.

WHEW.

I got a little stressed thinking about how much I should write and when I should send because like, nobody wants a million emails (hi, I’m a former development professional, how could you tell?). I figure I’ll send a few a week and you can catch up if you like on the web. Whatever I want to write I’ll just compile in, however it goes. I used to have a livejournal (2001-2008) and I always got a little bit of satisfaction when I could see my little entry calendar filled out every day. I also did not like seeing TWO entries in a day. Thirsty, much?

What I’m saying is, let’s just see what happens! Also, wow, livejournal, this will definitely be a FONT of inspiration. I had so much to say.

Do you know someone who needs advice? IS IT YOU? Also all these will be blind read and provided to me by our managing editor, YANITA. Don’t be shy. I’ll answer whatever you want. Bikes? Okay! What do I do with my wackadoo nonprofit? Oh man, probably you should just quit. What’s the best boilermaker? I ain’t spoiling that. I will answer literally anything.

ASK A DUDELADY

Finally, here’s a tune I like on repeat this week. !!! is way underrated.