engine driver bunny suit

This part of the year never works out. I can’t tell if it’s the hope that somehow it will be restful but also celebratory but also just some way of tapped out, but it seemingly never is. Plus, you know, 2024 will end. I have nothing terribly eloquent to say about that.

I am, like everyone else, very tired, and have realized yet again that it’s not going to be solved somehow in this between Gregorian calendar years, despite what I hope, seemingly every year. But thanks for being here. I’ve spent a bit in my head thinking about writing this up and it’s been a good…. use of some sort of energy, so that’s good.

It could have been a worse year, and it was pretty dark at the beginning of it. 2023 sort of bled out and by the time I got to March, I don’t know. I went through two fairly (no, okay, extremely) intensive interview processes that didn’t pan out and felt pretty bad! I went the longest I’ve ever gone without a full-time job! I was fighting a fucking insurance company and hospital system and of course I lost! 2024, generally!

However I did some other things, and that was cool.

• As of this week, I spent one year doing indoor climbing and while I’m not renewing that membership, I do enjoy it. I don’t care that I’m likely never going to get very good, or that I’m not belay certified. I really like doing this alone! 10/10 would recommend. Apparently especially if you’re poly and in the scene, yeesh.

• Went to the woods in Hoosier and Manastee National Forests, respectively.

• Lovebirds, cool small humans, Truong, the ocean, wine, new babies, California.

• Job, got one.

• Been dry bartending at a spot for likeminded folks and frankly, it has been one of the best things I have done in a long time. When I was pretty low it got me out of the house and feeling useful and helpful, and I got to give a very sad broken up person some Dear Sugar advice (“Acceptance is a Small Quiet Room”) and in general it has been very good for me, although also something that makes me think and feel a lot of things about myself (lol duh.)

• Kind of am regressing to the personal golden bike mean!? More later.

• Made a better effort at live lit things. I don’t know where I’m at with it, and when I feel that way, I know I have to stop. In any case: Tuesday Funk, Movie Club, Miss Spoken, all good, and 20×2 on January 5th, and I think after that we’re done for a minute.

• Managed to live in one place for a whole year.

• Fostered first animal. Felt sad and proud when cat got adopted. Heart not dead.

• Got some news.

Anyway, I also enjoyed things, and not that you care but here they are:

• Armour Park Pool, Chicago Park District, Adult Swim

• Kareoke - Marz, easily.

• The Plant’s Firehouse, where sometimes I almost cry at how kind they are on rough days.

• Music: “Diamond Jubilee” by Cindy Lee, “Wasteland Baby” by Kal Marks, new BadBadNotGood, “Manning Fireworks” because the first few times I heard MJ Lenderman on the Current I was all these fucking white dudes goddamn it what is this but yeah actually it’s really fucking good and “She’s Leaving You” deserves to be played that many times (also a good New Yorker profile), the (apparently) last Japandroids, “Fate and Alcohol” which I started writing seventy thousand words about but it’s pretty fucking good! And makes me feel a lot of things, and came out right before the election (which has happened to them before) and I don’t know what my love for “Dude Rock” means about me, but man “Positively 34th Street” and “Chicago” really make me miss some version of myself and what I thought was possible that feels fond and sweet and also absolutely gone, but man. It’s great. IDK I’m honestly terrible at listening to new things, despite trying, but this is the year I “get good” at Bandcamp I guess??

The entire list of books I read is at the very end of this because lmao how fucking annoying (AND NO IF YOU TELL ME TO GO TO GOODREADS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS AND I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO GET MORE THINGS TO DO THINGS OK!?). Some book thoughts (and apparently I didn’t write down the poem books I read here, but I read poems, too):

Best Books I Read: The Naming Song by Jedediah Barry. Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar. Blackouts by Justin Torres. Nevada by Imogen Binnie. How to Build a Boat by Elaine Feeney. Future Home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich. Boys Weekend. Rough Trade by Karina Carrasco. How Much of These Hills is Gold by C Pam Zhang. All The Birds in the Sky by Charlie Jane Anders. Simpatia by Rodrigo Blanco Calderón.

All the “genre fiction” books I read this year were pretty great, tbh! Some very good queer YA and romance lit, obviously The Locked Tomb is good but I am so done with this waiting for books things. The fairie sex shit left me cold, but I guess I should move onto the other ones? Anyway, highly recommend Akata Witch/Akata Warrior (local writers ftw) and Rebecca Roanhorse’s stuff, can’t wait to kick off the last one. Bisexual Disaster was really fucking cute, too. I ended up also really liking Fire Logic, so looking forward to those (AND THEY ARE ALL FINISHED TAZMUIR!)

A pairing of books that people seem feverish over that I suppose left me chilly because I don’t know, my own shit? But definitely a Type of Writer: “The Women” and “Little Rabbit” (but I’m glad I read them!!!!)

Books I should not have read so close together: Birnam Wood, The Future, The New Naturals.

Read more memoirs / biographies than I thought I would! The Louise Fitzhugh and Jason Molina’s were both good, and sad, and gave me a lot of thoughts. The Scissor Sisters memoir was so fucking entertaining.

I don’t know! Reading is great. And reading from recommendations has truly served me well, and I welcome them always. Also might be audiobook time?!?! IDK, erging is not conducive to my “fuck shit up” weight lifting mixes. If you would like to talk about any of these books, The Doctor Is In, friends.

I’m hoping there’s more to write and come in 2025, although I’m not sure what it looks like or what it feels like. Ultimately I’m glad I came back to this. I hope to share more soon, and please take care of yourselves, whatever the end of this year looks like. Stay safe, keep trying, and do what you can.

xx

2024 Books

1. The Lacuna - Barbara Kingsolver

2. Sea of Tranquility - Emily St. John Mandel

3. Weight (reread) - Jeanette Winterson

4. Creep - Myriam Gurba

5. A Woman is No Man - Etaf Rum

6. The Late Americans - Brandon Taylor

7. The Margot Affair - Sanae Lemoine

8. Mount Chicago - Adam Levin

9. Shuggie Bain - Douglas Stuart

10. Nona the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir

11. Strange Situation - Bethany Saltman

12. Wonder Woman: Tempest Tossed

13. The Sympathizer - Viet Thanh Nguyen

14. Sorry, Bro - Taleen Voskuni

15. There, There - Tommy Orange

16. Opinions - Roxane Gay

17. Pageboy - Ellen Page

18. Fevered Star - Rebecca Roanhorse

19. Papergirls - Brian K. Vaughn

20. The Sun Is Also A Star - Nicola Yoon

21. Natural Causes - Barbara Ehrenreich

22. Silver Nitrate - Silvia Moreno-Garcia

23. Thank You For Listening - Julia Whelan

24. I was born for this - Alice Oseman

25. Elatsoe - Darcie Little Badger

26. I hate everyone but you - Allison Raskin and Gabe Dunn

27. The List - Yomi Adegoke

28. How to Build a Boat - Elaine Feeney

29. XTC69 - Jessica Campbell

30. In Real Life - Cory Doctorow

31. Boys Weekend - Mattie Lubchansky

32. Killing and Dying - Adrian Tomine

33. Martyr! - Kaveh Akbar

34. Sun of Blood and Rain - Rebecca Roanhorse

35. All the Birds in the Sky - Charlie Jane Anders

36. She is Haunted - Paige Clark

37. Her Body Among Animals - Paola Ferrante

38. Sputnik Sisters - Terri Favro

39. Green Dot - Madeleine Grey

40. I’ll Give You A Reason - Annell Lopez

41. Noor - Nnedi Okorafur

42. When Franny Stands Up - Eden Robins

43. Akata Witch - Nnedi Okorafor

44. Farewell, Ghosts - Nadia Terranova

45. Just Your Local Bisexual Disaster

46. Akata Warrior - Nnedi Okorafor

47. Praying Drunk - Kyle Minor

48. A Court of Thorns and Roses - Sarah J Maas

49. Beautiful World, Where Are You? - Sally Rooney

50. Magic for Beginners (reread) - Kelly Link

51. Tomboy - Liz Prince

52. The Hunt Ball - Rita Mae Brown

53. Boys Keep Swinging - Jake Shears

54. Nevada - Imogen Binnie

55. Future Home of the Living God - Louise Erdrich

56. Sometimes You Have To Lie

57. Women - Chloe Caldwell

58. How Much of These Hills is Gold - C Pam Zhang

59. Blackouts - Justin Torres

60. American Skin - Don De Grazia

61. The Long Secret - Louise Fitzhugh (reread)

62. How It Works Out - Myriam Lacroix

63. Horse Crazy - Gary Indiana

64. Rough Trade - Karina Carrasco

65. When Women Were Dragons - Kelly Barnhill

66. A dish best served hot - Natalie cana

67. Birnam Wood - Eleanor Catton

68. The New Naturals - Gabriel Bump

69. Her Body and Other Parties - Carmen Maria Machado

70. Darryl - Jackie Ess

71. Bring Up The Bodies - Hillary Mantel

72. The Thief - Megan William Turner

73. The Naming Song - Jedediah Berry

74. The Future - Naomi Alderman

75. Riding With the Ghost - Erin Osman

76. Simpatia - Rodrigo Blanco Calderon

77. Little Rabbit - Alyssa Songsiridej

78. 2 Trans 2 Furious - Ed. Tuck Woodstock, Niko Stratis

79. Fire Logic - Laurie J. Marks